Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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