he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
