How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Your penis caused this!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize