I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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