There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
