yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
