I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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