tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
