cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
