Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
