A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
