I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
