ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
