I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
