double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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