dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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