I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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