i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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