Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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