I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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