you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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