Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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