Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
