That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
