I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
