I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
