She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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