# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
