I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
