Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We left the knife in your bed.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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