You made me cry and you don't even care
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
