I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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