yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
