Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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