dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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