I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
