i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
