Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
