She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
