remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
