I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
