i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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