i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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