I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
