i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
