You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
