They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
