Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
