From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize