I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
