I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
