Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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