i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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