i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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