Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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