I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
