Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize