I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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