I want you more than these girls want KFC
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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