Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
