she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
All the doctor said was why
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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