I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
