He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
