oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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