everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
