HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
