he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Enjoy the penises
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize