her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
