If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
