quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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