You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize