just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize