my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
