Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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