So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
