Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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