can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm always down for nudity.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
